| I am so fucking pissed! |
[Oct. 5th, 2006|08:33 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  pissed off | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Rooftops - Lostprophets | ] |
On top of everything else that has been thrown at me i feel like shit. One of the ppl i counted as a friend is being a dick and treating me like a worthless piece of shit. He doesnt have to say anything it. Apparently i am only good for taking ppl places and that i am so fucking annoying to everyone... I am fucking pissed... From not on i am not giving ppl rides unless i offer it... No one ask for a ride... and stay away cause i am liable to knock someones head off and i am talking literally because i am just that pissed off. I am more pissed off now than i have been in a long time cause i cant vent any of my anger cause my parents are around. apparently i cant trust my friends anymore becuase i am just being used to take ppl places or they wont tell me when i am annoying but just talk about it behind my back... i fucking hate it... Im sorry if im so annoying or if i am such a lousy person that i cant get over sumthings or if i am just annoying in general but i am me so fuck off! I AM SO FUCKING PISSED! |
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| If I get pissy again... smack me |
[Oct. 2nd, 2006|07:14 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sad | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Made Perfect - Three Cord Wonder | ] |
Yeah life fucking sucks right now... anyone who has been around me in the last week or so can tell I fucking hate my life. But I have moved on to a point that I know its all in God's hands now. Whatever is meant to happen will happen for a reason. I am just gonna work through whatever is thrown at me. So many friends have talked me through this and I thank God for each and everyone of you. Somehow that showed me I was strong enough to get through it so I thank you all. Thanks guys for showing me you all care... I know I'll be fine. If not you'll all be there to pick me up and that means the world to me. So thanks.
Allie |
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| I am updating this cause I am bored |
[Aug. 20th, 2006|01:47 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bored | ] |
| [ | music |
| | 37mm - AFI | ] |
-- name: Allison
-- birthplace: Greeley
-- current Location: Greeley
LAYER TWO:
-- eye color: Blue/Green
-- hair color: Blondish
-- height: 5'7" or maybe a bit taller...
-- righty or lefty: both
-- zodiac sign: Pisces
-- your heritage: English, Irish, and Spanish
-- the shoes wore today: Haven't worn any today yet
-- your weakness: Trusting people
-- your fears: I am still waiting to find one
-- your perfect pizza: cheese
-- goal you'd like to achieve: Finish my book
LAYER THREE:
-- your most overused phrase on AIM: lol
-- your thoughts first waking up: Damn alarm not again
-- your bedtime: lyk 2 maybe later
-- your most missed memory: isn't that the point... it is missed
LAYER FOUR:
-- Pepsi or coke: either
--mcdonald's or burger king: yuk
-- single or group dates: either or
-- adidas or nike: do not care for either
-- lipton ice tea or nestea: Hot Tea
-- chocolate or vanilla: either
-- cappuccino or coffee: yuk...
LAYER FIVE:
-- smoke: nope
-- cuss: we're just gonna go with yes on that one
-- sing: si
-- shower everyday: at least once
-- have a crush: giggle
-- want to go to college: I'm going
-- like(d) high school: did til i started college
-- want to get married: yes
-- believe in yourself: sometimes
-- get motion sickness: once in a while
-- think you're attractive: i guess so
-- think you're a health freak: yeah a bit
-- get along with your parent(s): depends on the day
-- like thunderstorms: yep
-- play an instrument: no
LAYER SIX:in the past month...
-- drank alcohol: in the past month yes
--smoked: never
--had sex:never
-- made out: not in the past month
-- gone on a date: don't know if it was technically a date..
--gone to the mall?: yes
-- eaten an entire box of oreos: no
-- been on stage: no
-- been dumped: no
-- gone skating: no
-- made homemade cookies: no
--gone skinnydipping: no
-- dyed your hair: no
-- stolen anything: no
LAYER SEVEN:Have you ever...
-- played a game that required removal of clothing: yes
-- if so, was it mixed company: well yeah, seriously
-- been trashed or extremely intoxicated: no
-- been caught "doing something": and the something would be?
LAYER EIGHT:
-- age you hope to be married: 20s-ish
-- number of children: 2-3
-- how do you want to die: go out with a bang
-- where you want to go to college: gonna go to aims for now
-- what do you want to be when you grow up: psychologist or nurse, with a minor in writing
-- what country would you most like to visit: New Zealand
LAYER NINE: In a guy
-- best eye color? don't mind
-- best hair color? lighter is slightly better
-- short or long hair: doesn't matter
-- height: taller than me
-- best weight: meh... not really fat
-- best articles of clothing: I don't really care... just not tighter clothes than me
-- best first date location: movies
-- best first kiss location: anywhere works as long as i care about the person
LAYER TEN:
-- # of drugs taken illegally: none
-- # of people i could trust with my life: a few... more than i did a year ago
-- # of CDs that i own: i am not gonna sit and count all of them
-- # of piercings: none
-- # of tattoos: none
-- # of scars on my body: lots
-- # of things in my past that i regret: too many to count
Last Person Who...
-- Slept in your bed? Me
-- Saw you cry? nikki
-- Made you cry? my parents... i was tired and frustrated i think
-- Spent the night at your house? i believe that would be danna, ashlee, and her twin sisters
-- You shared a drink with? um... prolly nikki or danna
-- You went to the movies with? will
-- You went to the mall with? nikki, mike, and andi
-- Yelled at you? um... travis or twan i think
-- Sent you an email? been a long time but i think it was jon
Have Your Ever...
-- Said "I love you"? yes
-- Been to New York? yes
-- Been to Georgia? no
-- California? yes
-- Colorado? duh
-- Mexico? yes
-- Washington? D.C.? yes
-- Canada? yes
-- Danced naked? no
-- Dreamed something really crazy and then happened the next day? a few times
-- Stalked someone? no i just have stalkers
-- Apples or bananas? apples, bananas are yukky
-- Red or blue? blue if i had too... but i prefer black
-- Walmart or Kmart? don't really care
-- Math or English? english
-- radio or CD? CDs
-- drawing or painting? Drawing
-- High school or college? college
The Last Few Questions...
-- Last time you went out of the state? last month
-- Lucky number? 11
-- Things you like in a guy? that he is honest... cares about me... and would never hurt me
-- Do you have a boyfriend? I do indeed
-- What do you think of ouija board? okay then
-- What book are you reading now? Blue Blood
-- What's on your mouse pad? tropical stuff... with dolphins
-- Favorite board game? cranium
-- Favorite magazine? Newtype
-- Favorite sound? rain slowly dripping
-- Worst feeling in the world? feeling unworthy and lonely
-- Do you like scary or exciting rollercoasters? but of course
-- How many rings before you answer? I answer when i know who it is... either from the id or they start talking on the machine
-- Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? nope
-- If you could have any job you wanted, what would it be? writer or a nurse
-- What are you going to do after you finish this survey? text friends and find out what we are doing today
-- What was the last food you ate? scones i believe |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 20th, 2006|01:25 pm] |
It has been so long since I last wrote that I don't even know where to begin. I am hardly ever home now to do a lot of anything; let alone write a journal. The last few weeks have been so crazy and yet I don't want it to end. In a week I will start college, and as exciting as that should be I'm not ready to grow up and have that responsibility. I know I don't have to completely grow up but I know that I can't stay a kid forever and that kinda saddens me. *sigh* half my friends have either moved away now for college, army, or whatever else life is calling them to do. A year ago Emily told me that when the time came I would want to get out of the house and be on my own. I told her no way, that I was an only child and that I didn't think that I could face moving out on my own so soon... Now I know she was right. The beginning of the school year I happy that my plans were to stay at home. Now I can't wait to get out. My parents and I have arguments at least a few times a week now and it is getting really stressful. At least my parents realize that I am 18 and that they have to trust me so they pretty much let me do what I want which is always a plus. I leave everyday sumtime in the early afternoon and don't get back til midnight at the earliest. So far, except for the trip to England, this has been an awesome summer and I am for once sorry to see it end. Normally I am so ready for school but not this time. But on a happier note, Will and I have been going out for more than a week. He makes me really happy. Some people think its almost strange that we are dating but thats more so to do with the fact that it was unexpected I think. So much as happened this year already and we are only half way through the 8th month. We still have a few more months to go though... I'm just hoping God doesn't have to many more changes to through at us all... I know we could prolly handle it, but considering half my friends can't really function without drama... things could get rather interesting. I just hope that I get to see Will more often than once a week cause school starts for him and everyone else in the next few days... That and I miss youth group. Oh well, maybe I can see Will if I go to the shop once in a while over the school year... |
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| Days.... um i don't remember now |
[Jul. 11th, 2006|05:36 am] |
I have been in england a while now and for over a week now my computer will not let me on the net when people would be on or it will not let me on at all. It is driving me nuts cause I miss all my friends and I want to go home right about now... We are staying with one of dad's old friends but i get so bored. No offense meant but i am happy that i leave tomorrow morning to go back to see Heather and Tony... and i get to meet baby Catrin. But at the same time if feel bad cause this will prolly be one of the last times i see Mike... he is nearly 74 after all. Next we get to go stay a few days in a caravan... a nice big one from what I hear but once again i'm not sure i will be able to get the net which makes sad all over again... but i get to look forward to seeing the baby... that makes me a little happier... |
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| Just saying I'm okay |
[Jul. 7th, 2006|11:01 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Portishead, England | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  Not tired... yep... i'm bouncy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Just church bells, it's gone 11, peoples is sleeping... | ] |
I haven't been on in so long cause I haven't had an internet connection. The hotel we stayed at were offering the net for £15 a day... meaning $30 a day... I wasn't paying that. I have been to see lots of castles lately, that has really been a lot of fun. I am really missing everyone a lot but oh well, can't really do anything about that. It's suddenly changed from hot weather to cooler and rainy but I don't really mind that so much. Today was one year exactly from the London attacks on the underground. We only found out today that many of the people who had survived the first attacks had come out of the underground only to text/call their loved ones to say that they were alright, then get on a bus and have that bus blow up and kill them anyways... it was so sad to hear about all of this. We have been hearing so many stories about that attacks, so many people's lives changed from loss of limbs or loss of a loved one. One of the stories was about a guy talking to his fiancee on the cell when the bus blew up and killed her. I don't know how these people have survived. It has only been a year but already they are doing better than we ever did in coping after 2 years after 9/11. And England has so far lost people in both attacks. The day after all this happened the underground was up and running as much as it was possible to. I think that was the right idea, to show the terrorist that they won't win. Anyways, so far England has been fun... We're staying with Heather and Tony right now. Mark has changed quite a bit... not that I have seen him for more than 5 minutes or so. The hotel we stayed in last was so horrible though... I am excited to sleep in a nice bed... the last room we had the bed was broken, they wouldn't change it, they forgot towels every time... it was terrible... and all the staff behind the desk were Indian so they were always saying "Ve are very sorry" "Very sorry sir" and things like that in their accents but no one every did anything. That and if we phoned the desk they said that they couldn't understand us... but oh well... Heather spoils me rotten here... I get to have all the candy I could want... hehe... Oh and bye the way... Pirates was so freakin awesome!!!!!!!!!! or at least I thought so... Mum and Dad didn't agree... they prefer the first one and thought this one a waste of money but I loved it and I can't wait for another one... Anyways I am off to bed now... love to you all... I am missing you all so terribly... God bless and ttyl (to anyone who actually reads these)...
Allie |
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| England: Day 4 |
[Jul. 2nd, 2006|03:14 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Hextable, England | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  calm | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Take Me (Acoustic) - Hawk Nelson | ] |
Well we had an interesting day. I think we walked about 5 miles at least and I'm not joking in the slightest. I did have fun once we got to Windsor Castle... my type of seen... but it closed early. We got there for all of a half hour and then there was a fire alarm that lasted for at least 25 minutes and then they told us to leave... it was actually quite irritating... Tomorrow we leave for derby and I am gonna go and get my tickets for Pirates! I am excited about that. I hope everyone back home is having fun. Talk to ya laters... God Bless,
Allie |
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| England: Day 3 |
[Jul. 1st, 2006|12:46 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Hextable, England | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hyper | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Lights of Rocksport - Falling Up | ] |
Up until today we really hadn't done a whole lot since we had arrived, mainly get adjusted to the time differences and stuff like that. Other than guys eyeing me every other minute its been fun. Actually one guy made me laugh, he couldn't stop starring at me, but he was working so he couldn't talk to me. He kept trying to move around people... anyways I thought it was funny. Every time I come back it surprises me about how narrow the roads are. How Americans can come and visit and not freak out or get in car crashes is beyond me. Altough Mum grew up here she refuses to drive (personally I think it is a good choice for all concerned, no offense meant). Today Mum and Dad went to Mum's school reunion while my Aunt and I went to Tonbridge Castle. I did have quite a lot of fun. It was ruin more than a stately home type thing which made me happy. England lost to Portugal in penalties which is saddening, they lost their two greatest players, one of them being Beckham. It seemed a little unfair but there you are. But hey we made if farther than America... not that it was hard to do... j/k, ya know I love you guys. But something I found out today that made me really happy: Pirates comes out on the 6th here in England. W00t!!!!!! I get to see it earlier than everyone else... I is happy... sorry okay my rant is done. I am so glad I got the laptop cause I have been able to keep in touch with people... that and I can watch movies (sumthing I want) and not whatever the others are watching. Anyways I will talk to you all later. Bai bai -
Allie |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 15th, 2006|12:51 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  worried | ] |
Wow, so much has happen, I think I might collapse any minute. Yesterday morning I was so happy and hyper. Danna, Andi, Nikki, Jayce, and I went to Wendy's. I was so hyper and bouncy and all of us were so hot we got Travis and went swimming in the lake. Andi, Nikki, and Jayce left early and the three of us just had fun for another hour or so. We get out only to find that Travis had a voice mail saying that Twan was fine but that Scott was in bad shape and might lose his leg. I have been praying constantly since then. Worrying about how Scott is doing, I praise God that Twan is fine apart from scraps and road rash. I know he will be so sore, but if that is the worse of it then he should be fine soon. I feel so badly for Scott. I keep worrying and have to keep doing something otherwise I start freaking out. I pray that things work out according to God's plan and I hope for the best. |
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| Enough please |
[Jun. 13th, 2006|11:52 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | bored | ] |
Okay... all of the drama has got to stop before I explode. I have had enough of people thinking I am taking sides. I have been hanging with Travis, Danna, Twan, and Scott just so that Steph can find the comfort she needs from people who would be sympathetic to because I couldn't. For a start... the first thing I said was "w00t for ignoring drama" on Travis's page and suddenly I am told to shut up and that I am now on their said without having done anything. Steph has told all of us to die and to burn in hell. She has threatened Travis and for the longest time she and nico wouldn't leave Travis, Danna and myself alone. We never wanted any of this drama to start and now it is blown way out of proportion. Seriously, we never kept it from anyone, it just wasn't anyone elses business. And I will take my leave... I'll keep my distance for a few more days. I don't want to get people sick if I am gonna get sick myself. |
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| Okay... yeah... |
[May. 29th, 2006|11:20 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | pissed off | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Outstretched Hands - Starfield | ] |
If it seems to anyone that I am pissed off... then you would be right. And I will prolly be pissed off until I move out of the house. Dad is completely pissing me off... I am just gonna leave it at that. Right now... any wrong move and I am thrown out... and I could really careless. My dad makes me feel like shit and I can take it much more... I only just about get to drive and stuff now... Yeah... advice... don't piss me off more. It would just be a good idea. |
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| Everyone can relax again |
[May. 22nd, 2006|11:33 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  Yes, for once, happy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | While You Were Sleeping - Casting Crowns | ] |
Life is getting back on track for me... meaning stress is gone now and you can all know that I am back to being me. Not the shrieking, hitting, screaming, and angry person that Travis so rightly name Screech the Pterodactyl or whatever. I am done. I have calmed down by that standard but I mean... I am Allie so I will always still be a little hyper; just not as much.
Anyways, I got a laptop and I am so happy. It is awesome and I love it. I have had so much fun messing with it. It is funny cause Mum and my Aunt have no idea how anything of computers work so when I could just pick it up and know exactly what I am doing without even reading instructions it just astounded them... again. I have always been good with computers but they just seemed to get so surprised by it every time and for me it can get both annoying and rather comical.
Life is good, I have a few jobs lined up which is always good for me. Nothing big but it is a start. I wish I was more driven to go to work but oh well, hopefully that will come in time.
Also, I is happy cause for the first time in like 5 months or more I have actually sat down and written in my book. I haven't had anytime since before I ever started dating. And I am not blaming any of my boyfriends so don't come back and yell at me for it cause I am not complaining. But it was nice, I love writing and for me it is one of me stress relievers so getting back to it should really help I think.
Anyways, now I think I shall sleep... night all |
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| So so relieved... |
[May. 20th, 2006|09:42 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | So Relieved and Happy!!!! | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Letters to the President [Acoustic] - Hawk Nelson | ] |
I am so relieved at this point; it isn't even funny. I think stressing over things is on the way out. Finally!!!! I am feeling a lot better, that I just have to get through graduation tomorrow and I can relax. Sure I have lots and lots of parties to get through but hey I don't have to worry about anything like that. So many people came today compared to what I thought it would be. Mrs. Sullivan and Mrs. Reed never showed up along with a lot of other people but oh well, I had so much fun and the house and gardens actually looked fabulous if I do say so myself. I got to see so many people that I hadn't seen in the longest time. And people were so generous and gave me a lot of money to help me out. God is so good in blessing me. Well as no one is on I think I will go and read or something; something I haven't had a chance to do at all in the year of 2006... Talk to ya all laters... |
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| Tis our turn... |
[May. 18th, 2006|10:28 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | bouncy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Bounce - Thousand Foot Krutch | ] |
Yeah... I just put on my cap and gown cause I didn't want to leave it wrapped up like that to get crinkled and creased like that so I thought why not... I will try it on. It was amazing how much I felt like it looked right. As scary as that was, and how much more real it made it all again, it made me even more happy and excited! |
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| Graduation is Sunday!!!!!! |
[May. 18th, 2006|10:04 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | hyper | ] |
| [ | music |
| | My Generation - Hawk Nelson | ] |
OMFG... We are graduating... I could say finally but at the same time it just doesn't seem right. Only today did it all seem real. We were sitting in our graduation practice and suddenly it hit me; it was our turn. After 4 years of High School we are going to be getting our diplomas and be finished... finally moving onto the real life. Leaving all that we have ever known behind and moving onto a new life, filled with new people and experiences. Seeing our pictures in the slide show just showed me that our time had come. It was all really happening... we had finally made it. W00t! |
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| Hello Random... |
[May. 15th, 2006|04:40 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  busy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Trainwreck - Mat Kearney | ] |
One of my neighbors, okay so she lives like at the other end of the neighborhood but still, she randomly rang the doorbell today to ask if I wanted to water her plants for a week. It was the most random thing that has happened to me for awhile now... but out of it I get a job for right now and then I am going to house sit for them in the future so at least I get some money right there. It was just so funny cause I haven't talked to them in years and they had even forgotten how old I was.
P.S. - does anyone want to tell me what that star is supposed to be doing... (working at a computer or what? and why?) |
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| We are all too Freakin stressed! |
[May. 15th, 2006|02:15 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  numb | ] |
Everyone just needs to calm the frick down... myself included. This graduating thing is getting way to stressed and all of us are fighting. I really wish life would go back or skip forward a few years. But as my dad always said, "You can't wish your life away cause you will be regretting it later when there isn't a tomorrow." Or at least he said something close to that but with the same meaning... I mean give me a break... the last time he said that I was like 8 because I stopped saying that around him after that cause it got annoying. But at this point I hate me, no matter what anyone says I really do hate myself right now. Life sucks and I don't understand how this is going to show me something in the long run. I know that God doesn't reveal his plans to us but it still doesn't help me at all. But then again I am not in control, God is, and I have to say that I am happy about it cause I know things will get better... eventually... |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 9th, 2006|10:18 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | lonely | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Prodical - Casting Crowns | ] |
I hate it when God seems so far away... Reaching out and calling out to him doesn't seem to help when it is times like this. It makes it hard to keep faith... though I promise I won't loose it. Things keep being thrown at me and I am making decisions that I hope are for the best and I hope are leading me down the path that God wants for me. Things make me feel like they are my fault all over again. I feel like the worst person alive and I don't know how to fix them. Really wish things could go back to a less stressful time... I am getting sick so often now from everything. Either I feel like throwing up every time I wake up or I don't want to eat or I have really bad nose bleeds. All of which makes me worry even more. I wish it would go away. My friends seem to worry and they don't even know the half of it. I wish I could feel God and that he would take the pain away like he has done before... but I can't even feel him there... |
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| A little weird to hear |
[May. 9th, 2006|09:53 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | indifferent | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Set Me Free - Casting Crowns | ] |
From what I am told, I made Jake's day. Jake being the guy who took me to prom for those who didn't know. I was told by my mother (before I had met Jake) that he needed a prom date cause the girls had been pretty mean to him... either not giving him an answer or dumping him for someone else. I felt bad for him so I told mum that if he wanted to take me that I would be willing to go with him. Apparently, I was able to rub a few people's noses by going with him so I guess that helped him out. One of the girls had been his girlfriend for a while before hand and had dumped him when she liked someone else... that someone else didn't like her back though so she wanted Jake to ask her to prom but he didn't want to know. The other girl, from what I am told, he asked months before prom and she told him a week before prom that her friends had got her a date. It was pretty mean so I was happy to help in any way I could. I gathered that both the girls didn't like the fact that I was there with him. That and we didn't get there on time cause I told Jake not to worry to much about it and that I guess kinda stuck it to everyone too. I don't know if I should be happy that I did that... but from what I get... Jake was happy so I guess that is a good thing. This is all that I was told from my mother who got it from, um, the one lady (his mother) but I can't remember her name. I just know she goes to my mum's yoga classes or something like that. Kinda weird to hear... or it was for me at least... |
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| Ditch Day can have it's perks |
[May. 8th, 2006|07:24 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | blah | ] |
| [ | music |
| | This is the Call - Thousand Foot Krutch | ] |
Yeah, I really didn't want to go into work today. I mean come on it was senior ditch day. What is the point of calling it a ditch day if I don't actually skive off. I slept in a little bit and waited a while so that I could give Nikki a little while to sleep in, but apparently Josey got to her house at about 8 so it really didn't matter anyways. I really didn't want to go to work or stay at home today for the simple fact that if I did I would start to think and which would make me dwell on all the shit I am going through right now and I didn't really want to do that. And no offense to my friends, cause it is a good thing, but hanging with them made today kinda mindless which was what I wanted and needed. All of us (meaning Nikki, Mike, Josey, and I) just hung out and for my part at least, had a lot of fun. It made my problems go away even if it was for just a while. It was like last month was starting to come back a little... but only part of it. I really pray that something happens soon that shows me what I am supposed to do with everything that has been thrown at me. |
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